Silly life rambles about jellybeans + glass elevators .

I WANT A DOG! <3 <3 <3 oAo; October 21, 2009

Crap. I think they’re onto me.

Anyway, I just went to see my wonderful (cough) math tutor! xD;; (That was sarcasm back there. >__>;)

But more importantly, I saw his SUPER! UBER! CUTE! ADORABLE AND SWEET! DOOOOOGGGYYYYYY! 8DDDD! <3 <3 <3 <3 Yesyesyes. Today, since there were no visitors around eating at the dinner table for him to steal food from, we had a fun time playing together! He keeps jumping all over me! And whenever I sit, he jumps right into my lap and nuzzles up! Soooo cute…and whenever I stand up to get something, he follows me with his tail wagging~ (And when I left, he was whining and tried to follow me out! Ahaa~ <3 )

And then I goes home and announce to my parents (for the 100x time), “I want a dog!”, and I expect them to exchange that ‘Here we go again’ look. (But not before they scream all girly when I tell them how I’ve touched a dog and usher me off to some nearby P*rell. Dad sez “Thank goodness you didn’t kiss him or anything”. I did. >__>; Or more of, he did. With his big slobbery tongue, on the chin! Ahaa~)

But instead, they go into a rampage laugh about “Remember that dog we had?” “Remember how you washed it every single day?” “Remember how that gave the little puppy an ear infection?” “That’s why we had to give him away!”

The reason why I never had a dog right now isn’t because the dog was born with an ear infection as my parents have consoled me before. It’s because they’re freakin neat freaks that can’t stand the slightest dog hair around, that THEY gave the poor little puppy an ear infection by constantly washing his ears, and then blamed it on the pet store and returned him.

…

…I hate my life. =____=;

If I could grant you one wish / I wish you could see the way you kiss October 11, 2009

We were talking / just like this

One moment

And the next / you’re gone

YAY FOR SONGS.

I’m not exactly dedicated to anything much. >__>; Even when I put my mind to something, it’s not very focused (unless it’s some English essay, script or art piece ;; ).

So basically, if you flip through my music notebook, you’ll scan through about what, give or take 11 songs?! xD;; But I’ve only really shown two. =P Because I’ll get through the first verse, chorus, then give up. =___=; If it’s crappy, anyway; don’t have much of a heart to finish it.

But then again, it’s not bad to give up, yeah?? It’s just gaining experience, the way I see it…>___>;; (And anyway, some of them have ended up sounding really similar to other songs that Tony later showed me, so I really gotta work on that ;; )

BUT THIS NEW SONG SEEMS TO PWN MY FIRST ONE. 8D YAY.

TT____TT;;

Just for fun with Emoticons =P (And the joy of my beautiful orange and blue Sens*ft scissors) October 9, 2009

The bell rang!

I was    :3    today, because I saw you heading for the door.

I became all    DX    when I tried to catch up with you the best I could.

Then I got    D :    because you got there much faster, and out the door even faster.  

So then I got all   : (   because I thought I ought to give up, so I just slowly packed up and came out.

And then my face went   : O!   because you were there waiting!

So then I was   : DDD   because we got to walk together.

…Yeah. >___>; I can’t figure out my freakin english assignment, so I’m being bored. (But that was cute, right? =D Right, riiiiiiight? =3 Ahaa~ I don’t like using those colourful animated emoticons on msn…they irritate me, strangely enough. )

OH YEAH. The cooooolest thing happened the other day. You know my spiffy, soft scissors?? 

Well. Arianne has -exactly- the same pair, and told me a little, little secret about them:

THE HANDLES CAN ERASE STUFF. 8D FREAKIN AMAZING MAGICAL STUFFS, I SAY.

So all you see is me erasing all my homework, study notes (whoops, not the brightest idea…anyhow, I jokes, I erased stuff I didn’t want, like those crappy drawings), whatever I can get my hands on…with those magical scissor handles. 

<3 My scissors. <3

… October 3, 2009

You know that feeling-oh crap, I think I started the previous post with the same lines too. =___=;; How unoriginal.

You know how when you keep telling yourself that things will eventually be okay, and that there’s still time to patch up things? How all those previous times must’ve been misunderstandings, or just a slipup, or just bad character traits that can’t be changed? Now I’m pretty darn sure that I should give up now. >__>;

Luckily what happened wasn’t even really an issue; it was a ploy to get her to stop asking. But still…consequences are still at large. Alot of feelings were exchanged (mostly one way though). What if we continued? And I got played around (not that I was the only one…). Not to mention constant moodswings-ugh! This is stupid.

I guess I’m glad what happened today happened today. It wasn’t too big of situation out of control, but a friendship is at stake here!

I kept telling myself that nine years meant we should try to keep the fire going. Nine years meant that was a heck of a waste of my time. I should srsly stop being so forgiving and just doze the fire out and move on with my life. Jerkface.

NOOOOOOOZ WHHHHHY?! (The Math Rant Post) October 2, 2009

You know that feeling you get when you’re aware that you just gotta be the worst at math in your math class? D: Not sure? Well, here’s how you can tell:

1. Everyone’s nodding and murmuring ‘Oh, yes, I see’, while you’re still totally perplexed and have missed the whole point, apparently.  
2. A short math activity is assigned, and when everyone’s on the fifth step moving on sixth, you’re still figuring out what the question means.
3. When you ask a question and everyone groans and goes ‘Not agaaaain…’
4. And again. (More groaning ensues…)
5. The teacher comes by, sees your activity thus far (meaning nothing’s written down) and says ‘What…? Oh no…’ And tells you it’s based on a principle we learnt from far before.
6. Actually, 9th grade.
7. And a few more.

But today was really, really horrible. >__<;; But hey, you gotta ask when you gotta ask! Because when you dunno, you just dunno. >___>;; Repetitive, yeah? But you get the point, at least…;

But it makes me wonder, really, does everyone else really get it?! Or are the shy, nervous ones just hiding in the back, reminding themselves everytime they don’t understand something, that their date with the math tutor will come soon?

I could look on the bright side and say, ‘Ah well, maybe I’m doing a favour for those less fortunate who are just as confused as I am…’ Buuuuuuuuuull. I’m aware of my standings in the class (where  d E ( – oo, O ], and who cares about range, really?), and I’m not going to just keep hiding up the facts to get through it.

But it irritates me!?! Why can’t I do math problems on my own?? Am I so horribly horrible at this one course, that every question I do, I end up circling with a red pen, and have to ask people for help on it the next day? EVERY FREAKIN QUESTION. (Some date back to g9, but you already know that.)

My pages are all full of red scrawls now. (In fact, my red pen’s almost out of ink. It stopped working momentarily last night when I was going through derivatives again, but then I whammed it into my binder in frustration, and now it’s wobbly-hobbly back on track-ish.)

Today, I asked a question in math. About fractions. (What’s with me and fractions?! First forgetting what common denominators are, now this?!) Muttering,  clicking, shuffling, whispering, I swear it’s all pointed at me.

Then the teacher frowns and abruptly stops the lesson. Sits down, refuses to take questions. Not even to go to the bathroom. But what for?! I’m honestly even more horrified than before, and I feel my head sinking down, down, down… Is it me?! (A rhetorical question.)

Then the teacher sez “And by the way, it’s not your fault”. Even, even, worse. (He couldn’t tell it was a rhetorical question; he barely passed his English in high school.) Now everyone’s glancing at me and muttering amongst themselves, Is it our fault, then? If it’s not hers, it’s ours? And the mere fact that he had to mention that makes me even more uptight and afraid.

And I realize that you might not fully comprehend this story, but that’s okay; I left out some parts where I felt it wasn’t necessary to talk about. To me, anyway. Who cares a dang about you?

And which is why you also might not understand this last bit here, but: Now some more stupid rumours will come up, I’ll feel horrible again. I appreciate the help, I really do, but I don’t want to be babied, I want to take the initiative, I know I can do it, I need to stand on my own two feet, yeah? I’m just as sensitive as I look, but I always try my best to not look like I take it seriously. So s’all good, yeah? Yeah.